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Memento Mori
Was it worth it?
I am haunted by the idea of time passing by unused. The idea that I could look back on a period of my life and remember nothing significant about it terrifies me.
I know a self-made millionaire who was homeless at one point in his life. I saw a guy finish BUD/S Hell Week with a broken leg. Many of the most successful businesses in America started with less than 10,000 dollars in capital. Nike was once nothing more than some guy selling shoes out of the back of his car. Yvon Chouinard, the founder of Patagonia, lived in an empty incinerator for several months.
While traveling overseas, I met numerous people who sold successful businesses or walked away from lucrative jobs and everything else they owned in order to leave behind a life that had all the accoutrements but just didn't make them happy. They started anew in places like Kenya, New Zealand and Costa Rica and wake up every day to a fulfilling life.
I had the privilege of getting to know a man who once owned a successful small business in Colombia but knew that his future there was eventually limited. Along with a friend, he decided to go to the United States. By walking. Along the way, he was robbed of everything he owned and left to die with nothing but his underwear in the desert in Southern Mexico. His friend was cut in half by a freight train. When he finally made his way to the states, he got caught. When the Border Patrol guy asked him why he was sitting quietly in his cell and not making a ruckus like everyone else, he replied that it was all only a game.
"You won this time, my friend. Maybe next time, I win."
Several months later he had made his way back. This time he won. He worked odd jobs in the states until he could teach himself English and join the military. He is now a legal citizen and a highly respected member of an elite American Special Operations Force.
The point is that it doesn't matter where you start or how hard you get hit along the way. The only limitations we put on our lives are self-imposed. If you fail, perhaps it was chance, bad luck, or a group of bandidos in the Mexican desert, but whether or not you get back up and keep going is entirely up to you. Any failure is temporary as long as your heart is beating. Ultimately, your happiness and success in life are entirely in your hands.
Everyone has their little story. People like to say things like "Well, you don't know what I've been through…"
You know what? It doesn't matter.
Why is it so rare to hear "You know what I'm willing to go through to get what I want?"
Every breath you freely draw is another chance to write a chapter in the book of your life. Whatever hardship you've faced, I promise you that someone out there has been through something worse and made it to where they wanted to be anyway.
I know where I want to be in life. I know that the only thing that can keep me from getting there is my own weakness. My own timidity, hesitation or complacency.
I know that the time will pass whether I make use of it or not.
Since I was about eighteen years old I have been maintaining a tally on this piece of paper. It's 52 blocks wide and 80 blocks tall. On the top left corner is my birthdate, and on the bottom right is the same date, 80 years later. Every week I mark off a block.
I don't write anything or make any kind of notes. I just black it out. The only thing left is the memories I have of that week and reality of how it has affected my life. In the end, the only things any of us have are our actions and our memories.
Doing this keeps my life in perspective. Each time I fill in a block I briefly consider what I did with that week. Sometimes I do so with a feeling of satisfaction. I want mine to be a life well lived. Other times I look back and realize that I frittered away most of my time on things that didn't really further my life, didn't make for any remarkable experiences, and didn't really make me happy.
I don't think that it would be possible to maintain a list like this and work in a cubicle for twenty years. Or even twenty months. Imagine that: 80 blocks filled in with no memories other than a gray wall and the occasional lunch at Applebees.
In fact, most people probably wouldn't want to do something like this at all. It would be too uncomfortable. Self awareness is a pain in the ass when there are so many entertaining reality shows on cable. And excuses are easy. You probably get used to the blinders after a while and eventually don't even know what you're missing.
This weekend I filled in the 25th row on my sheet. The last block in a row always leads me to do some self-assessing. Am I happy with what I've been doing with my life? Have I been wasting time? Why? Where could I be right now if I hadn't? What will I do to make sure that one year or five years from when I fill in the last block on another row I can look back with nothing but satisfaction and happiness? Do I know exactly where I want to be at that point?
Look back on your life. The past week, the past year, whatever. How would you answer these questions? More importantly, how do you want to answer them in the future, and what are you going to do about that?
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Comments For This Entry
Posted by Michael at 08:03PM on October 15, 2008
A truly good idea Craig. What do the words at the top and bottom of the paper mean?
Posted by Craig at 08:43PM on October 15, 2008
Memento Mori means either "Remember that you will die" or "Remember that you are mortal" depending on how it's translated.
Vulnerant Omnes, Ultima Necat means "They all wound, the last kills." It's something they used to put on clocks, referring to the hours of one's life.
Posted by Michael at 10:48AM on October 16, 2008
Craig, were you propelled to start doing this because you felt that you were wasting time, or were you just trying to prevent languishing in the future?
I ran into an old T-Nation post of yours where you said:
"On my right hand I have the words "This Too Shall Pass" tattooed across my fingers."
Can you explain the significance of this tattoo?
Posted by Mariah at 12:55PM on October 16, 2008
When reading this, it got me to think about how I perceive my life, especially my role as a mother. I am a stay-at-home mom with two girls, 3 and 1. It is so easy to lose yourself and to tell you the truth I have these past few years. You question your place, not only in your family, but in society. It is so easy to lose your self-confidence and as you said you start to put the blinders on.
Oddly enough I have been reading Craig's articles in the paper and had thought to myself for three weeks, how do I meet this man and fill my brain with his knowledge? Wouldn't you know it, a friend called me the next day and said I had to come try this workout. I was looking for any excuse but I knew I was ready to change, not only for myself, but for my husband and kids. I show up and there is Craig. At that moment, I told myself this is yet. Now or never. I need to discover my potential and commit no matter how hard or embarrassing this challenge will be.
For me with a young family, it is one step at a time. Am I happy where I am in my life right now? Yes. I have made a commitment to myself and everyday I get to watch my girls discover the world. All in one week I got to witness my youngest start to walk, use a spoon successfully and use the potty! I might not be able to travel to exotic locations, but I believe one person who helps another can create a chain reaction that will effect one's life in ways beyond comprehension. Craig, his staff and the women in the class are helping me rediscover life, my body and my potential. In turn, this will allow me to be a better mom and wife. Thank you-
Posted by Craig at 01:45PM on October 16, 2008
Michael,
It wasn't so much that I felt I was substantially wasting time at that moment, but as a way of remaining conscious of the possibility thereof. The paper is a sort of metacognitive exercise to keep myself aware of what I am doing with my life. I'd much rather be uncomfortable than complacent. We're all prone to periods of weakness, laziness or whatever you want to call it, and I want to be able to objectively evaluate myself to identify and eliminate those times. It keeps me motivated, self aware and moving forward in life.
The tattoo thing is a fairly complex concept. I'll probably cover it in depth in a future post.
Mariah,
1. Thank You.
2. Marshall and I were actually discussing this yesterday; you show a sort of potential that few people actually have which he and I have become very experienced in recognizing. He's got a blog post coming up soon that covers that concept. You're doing great in training and in a few months you're going to look back on where you started as a distant memory and the progress you'll have made will seem unreal.
Posted by Michael at 04:52PM on October 16, 2008
"The tattoo thing is a fairly complex concept. I'll probably cover it in depth in a future post."
Well, I look forward to it. I loved your story on the new t-nation article. "Fish, Senior Chief!" I shout across the pool. "Fish!" I was laughing my ass off.
Posted by Jenni at 09:53PM on October 29, 2008
Craig,
Very thought provoking post. I read this right after I had read the Killing Time post. I guess those who have a way with words like you bring to life the thoughts, actions, or emotions many feel but don't know how to express in words or writing. So thanks for that! Many people who find out my mom pasted away while I was in high school say, "OH, I'm so sorry." I don't think a day has gone by that I feel sorry about it or want someone else to feel sorry for me. I feel sad at times knowing I don't have her to share in a goal I've reached or silly things like, "Do I use baking soda or powder?" ! Life is full of challenges, but I agree that I would rather live a life full of challenges than to sit and watch it go by not working toward my full potential.
Mariah- Good for you! I know at times my mother seemed discouraged with herself, her body and how she felt. We used to go for long walks with her so she could get some exercise out in the country! But I will say at the end of her life she was so happy for all the times she was there to see us take our first steps, go to school, or make a basket in a championship game. I'll never be able to fully thank her for being there for us! But, I can hope some day to do the same if I have kids. So once again, good for you! Keep up the good work!
Posted by Craig at 07:27PM on November 20, 2008
You're probably referring to the one titled 'You Will Have Your Waterloo,' which references a mentor of mine who gave that advice in a speech.
Also, if you flip to some of the older blogs there is one titled "Human Potential."
Posted by Mel at 05:09AM on December 11, 2008
What a profound way of looking at things. I read this blog when I am wasting time feeling sorry for myself and realize it is such a short time we have here. Getting out there and daring to do the things that scare me the most have been the most satisfying. I hope you are writing something new soon.
Posted by Curtis Ludlow at 02:10PM on December 22, 2008
This is a SWEET blog Craig.
My first time here.
Also, this is a GREAT post.
Posted by sangita at 11:03PM on January 05, 2009
Just want to say Craig, you have inspired me and I have started doing things I was supposed to be doing but kept putting off. You have gotten me off my butt and back on the groove of excercise.
Posted by Roxy at 03:57PM on January 27, 2009
This was amazing, Thank you once again. You always seem to say the right thing that I need to here. Your the best!!
Posted by Kelli Keyes at 06:40AM on February 23, 2009
I read this last night. When I finished, I felt a sick in my stomach and like I had been slapped in the face. I went to bed thinking about it and wondering why exactly I felt that way. When I woke up this AM, I realized why. Since we have moved back to SD in 2006 I've tried to be superwoman. Doing way too much, going through the motions but not really enjoying anything because my mind was always thinking about what I needed to do next. Basically, wasting time because I haven't been really "present." Looking back over the last couple years puts that sick feeling in my stomach because I honestly don't know where those moments, days, weeks have gone. I am so glad that I now have your blogs to keep me on track if I ever lose sight again.
Through some other things I've began to do in my life and now you, Craig, I've realized all of this and am so excited to change it. I have now hung up my superwoman outfit and am enjoying every single minute I have with my family.
Craig, I hope you know the amazing impact you have on people. I haven't known you for very long but already my husband and I are better people because we know you. I can't thank you enough. You are an incredible person and when you reflect on these last few weeks, know how much you've positively impacted my family and that I am forever grateful. You're helping me become a better mom. What's more powerful than that?
Posted by Roxy at 09:02AM on March 20, 2009
Kelli,
He really has no idea the impact he has on individuals who read his posts or just sharing his life with others around him. I am in the best shape I have ever been in and learned I still want more for myself. I have attained bigger goals not just for my body but in life. When I go through struggles in life, I hear Craig saying "This Too Shall Pass", "You will Do Well Rox", or "All This Will Be a Distant Memory". Thank you for always being there!!
Posted by Kelli at 12:27PM on March 23, 2009
Roxy,
That's awesome that you're in the best shape you've been in. How long did it take you? I've been doing the class for almost two months and feel I'm well on my way too, thanks to Craig and Marshall.
Posted by Roxy at 01:32PM on March 23, 2009
Oh believe me I am still working on it. I am 30 and as we get older some areas are harder to loose then others. I run 4 to 6 miles, six days a week. I do weights three days a week and work on my legs I guess you can say constantly but really concentrate on my legs twice a week. I usually work out everyday because it feels good. Plus I love to eat. I eat six to eight times a day. My body is constantly burning. I am a person that needs some carbs. I usually do my runs in the morning so I take a piece of sprout bread (Traders) and dip it in egg whites. I make five pieces for the week. I do not eat my little French toast you can say with butter or syrup. I just eat it plain. I eat one every morning before my run. It is great protein and enough carbs to get me through my runs. Then a nice yummy shake after my run to replenish, weird I never get sick of them. Anyway, I work hard for what I have but in the same love doing it at the same time.
Posted by Craig at 05:19PM on March 23, 2009
That's a really good idea...
Posted by Ian at 04:31AM on April 07, 2009
Hi, great post.
Following your advice on my reply on the other post, I have now made my sheet (80 high x 52 blocks wide).
How do you work out how many blocks to shade off to 'catch up' your progress?
I am 26 years old. 26 x 52 weeks doesn't work. I tried 26 x 365 = 9,490 Days (which is scary enough!) Should I then divide this by 52 weeks?
Thank you for your help - maths is not my strong point!
Posted by Craig at 10:19AM on April 07, 2009
If you're 26, block off 26 entire rows. Then grab a calender and manually count the weeks that have passed since your last birthday. Mark all of those off in the 27th row. Whatever is left in that row is the number of weeks you have left of your 27th year.
If your birthday was last on a tuesday, always mark the block off on a tuesday. That'll keep you accurate.
Posted by Edgar at 05:42AM on September 21, 2009
Hi...I was just browsing through the crossfit affiliates websites, thanks for sharing the info you wrote above with the mexicans.
Posted by Stephen at 06:32PM on October 30, 2009
Craig,
this is a phenominal post man. This way of thinking is what has made you great. i am proud to have known you when it all began and hope to see you again someday.
Steve
Posted by Stephen at 07:10PM on October 30, 2009
One other note. I really dig the "This too shall pass" tattoo. If I was one to steal others tattos, I would go out and get that. It has always been one of my favorite quotes of all times.
Posted by Raven at 02:16PM on November 02, 2009
"This Too Shall Pass"
As "time" moves, your body will pass. Rest assured, you and Mind (your Spirit) won't.
--Sf,
--erl
Posted by Jonathan at 05:25PM on November 11, 2009
I just found your blog today through Nate Green's blog, I think.
I liked your idea about Memento Mori so much that I created my own right away thanks to excel. I'll print it off tomorrow at work.
The title of this blog reminds me of "The Ambassadors" by Holbien, a famous painting with a memento mori device in it. It was and still is my favourite painting on display at the National Gallery in London. I haven't seen it in 5 years, I think. Take a look at if you are curious.
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